For more than a year I have been suffering from the stress of a horrible mental conflict which ended up with me contemplating suicide.
Even though I have the courage to do it, I fear that I may incur the displeasure of Allah (Exalted be He) if my life ended in this way.There is a variety of reasons, both related to this life and the Hereafter. Since my early childhood I have been a sort of 'ill-fated' person, if I may use the term. After finishing intermediate school, the financial conditions of my family meant that I could not complete my university studies like the rest of my brothers, sisters, and all my friends. Six years ago I packed up my luggage and left
hoping that Allah (Exalted be He) would make it up for me. Amazingly enough, (Part No. 3; Page No. 537) after six years of hard work, I could not even save enough money to get married. I used to endure it patiently knowing that Allah (Exalted be He) is on the side of those who are patient. However, I could not stand being patient any longer. I started to experience a state of mental break-down. I was no longer able to endure my own shadow moving with me wherever I went. I used to restrain myself from treading the path of Satan who would prompt me to commit immoral acts. Now I feel I am not the person I used to be. I fear that Satan may tempt me to commit theft or adultery. I have always hoped to die after a blameless life. Therefore, I would rather commit suicide than do an act that is displeasing to Allah (Exalted be He). Is it permissible for me to do that? Allah (Glorified be He) knows best that I intend to do this for His sake. Please guide me. May Allah reward and protect you and guide your steps. May His peace, mercy and blessings be upon you. I hope that your reply will be in accordance with the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunnah (whatever is reported from the Prophet).
It is not permissible for you to attempt suicide because it is Islamically prohibited and is considered one of the major sins. Allah (Exalted be He) says:
And do not kill yourselves (nor kill one another). Surely, Allâh is Most Merciful to you.
It has been authentically narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: (Part No. 3; Page No. 538)
Verily your blood, your property, and your honor are as sacred and inviolable.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said:
"He who kills himself with something, will be tormented with it on the Day of Resurrection."
This Hadith is agreed upon ( narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
You should know that your preferring to die while not committing an act that displeases Allah (Exalted be He) is an evil insinuation that is prompted by Satan. You should seek refuge with Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) from Satan and supplicate to Him repeatedly so that He may protect you from these evil insinuations. You should be keen on performing acts of worship which bring you closer to Allah (Exalted be He). You should also avoid violating the prohibitions that He declared and keep yourself aloof from evil company. You should bear with patience whatever befalls you so that perhaps Allah (Exalted be He) will guide you to the path of truth and protect you from following the path of delusion. May Allah guide us all towards that which is loving and pleasing to Him.May Allah grant us success. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and companions.