Q: I am a married man, and I have three sons and a daughter. I have spent around 500,000 Riyals on my daughter's wedding and to buy her clothes, jewels and other things she needed. My elder son studies abroad at my expense in
the United States of America,
which costs me 150,000 Riyals each year. I would like to ask Your Eminence:
Is the money I spent on my daughter's wedding and on my son to study in
considered normal expenses born by a father, or a grant that should be distributed equally among all children,
which means that I should grant my other children a similar sum of money?If this is considered a grant, should it be distributed equally among the boys and girls, or should a boy take twice as much as a girl, according to the legal rulings on inheritance?
(Part No. 16; Page No. 220)
you should distribute your grant among your children with justice, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said,
Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children.
You should be just in whatever you grant them as a gift and as assistance, such as marriage. However, if one of your children is in need of money, you should support them financially. There is no harm in this case in not giving the wealthy ones, because supporting them does not fall under the category of grants.
spending money on your son's study abroad in a non-Muslim country is impermissible unless in case of obligation, because living there subjects a person to many Fitan (temptations) and Munkars (that which is unacceptable or disapproved of by Islamic law and Muslims of sound intellect) that affect one's religion and morals. However, if your son is obliged to study abroad, and he is holding to his religion and resisting those evils, there is no harm in sending him there and supporting him financially.
as for spending 500,000 Riyals in your daughter's wedding, this is a form of prohibited wasting of money; you might be punished for this, unless you perform Tawbah (repentance to Allah) and stop wasting your money. This money is a gift from Allah, and people are only trustees for it, as Allah says,
And give them something (yourselves) out of the wealth of Allâh which He has bestowed upon you.
(Surah Al-Nur, 24: 33) He also says,
...and spend of that whereof He has made you trustees.
(Part No. 16; Page No. 221) (Surah Al-Hadid, 57: 7) This means that Allah has made us trustees for this money, and we should keep the limits of Shari`ah (Islamic law) while spending it. Shari`ah has regulated our ways of spending money by prohibiting wasting it, as Allah says,
And give to the kinsman his due and to the Miskîn (poor) and to the wayfarer. But spend not wastefully (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift. (Tafsir At-Tabarî)
Verily, the spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayâtîn (devils), and the Shaitân (Devil-Satan) is ever ungrateful to his Lord.
And if you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم) turn away from them (kindred, poor, wayfarer whom We have ordered you to give their rights, but if you have no money at the time they ask you for it) and you are awaiting a mercy from your Lord for which you hope, then, speak unto them a soft kind word (i.e. Allâh will give me and I shall give you).
And let not your hand be tied (like a miser) to your neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach (like a spendthrift), so that you become blameworthy and in severe poverty.
(Surah Al-Isra', 17: 26-29) He also says,
And those who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes).
(Surah Al-Furqan, 25: 67) This means that they do not waste money and spend it on prohibited things; and at the same time they are not miserly and stingy. The ideal state is to be moderate between those two states.
you should divide the grant among your sons and daughters according to the legal way of distributing the inheritance, as it is the fairest way; a male is given twice a female's share. (Part No. 16; Page No. 222) May Allah grant us success. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions.