The manner of offering condolences

A: First, offering condolences to a bereaved family is permissible, since this is a form of showing sympathy to them. It should be through supplicating to Allah (Exalted be He) to have mercy on the deceased, and relieve the distress of family and friends of the deceased, and to command them to remain patient and expect Allah's reward. It has been authentically narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) offered condolences to one of his daughters when her son died saying: "Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world)." He (peace be upon him) ordered her to be patient and to hope for Allah's reward. (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). It is permissible to offer any Du`a' (supplication) for them, such as: "I offer you my condolences; may Allah relieve your distress with something better." This is based on a Hadith narrated by Um Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) who said: "I heard Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) saying: If any Muslim who suffers a calamity says, what Allah has commanded him: "We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction (Part No. 7; Page No. 403) and give me something better than it in exchange for it," Allah will give him something better than it in exchange." Umm Salamah added: "When Abu Salamah died I said these words as commanded by Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him), and Allah gave me Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) in exchange." (Related by Muslim). Second, condolences can be offered at the Masjid (mosque), when offering Janazah (Funeral) Prayer, in the graveyard, in the street, in the market, at a house of the bereaved family, through phoning them, etc. Third, offering people condolences for the death of their relative; male or female, should be the same. As mourners do not gather, go in groups and set up pavilions to offer condolences for the death of a woman, the same should be observed with men. It is not permissible to set up pavilions or to set certain days for receiving condolences. This act was not reported from Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him), his noble Sahabah (Companions of the Prophet), his Rightly-Guided Caliphs, or any of the scholars that they dedicated certain number of days, time or place for receiving condolence. Nor is it permissible to gather people for condolences. Had this been permissible, it would have been done by Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him). The paternal uncle of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Hamzah ibn `Abdul-Muttalib, was martyred; his cousin, Ja`far ibn Abu Talib was martyred too; his (peace be upon him) son, Ibrahim died; and his (peace be upon him) daughter, Zaynab died too; and many notable Sahabah died during his (peace be upon him) lifetime. The Prophet (peace be upon him) also died. He (peace be upon him) is most beloved (Part No. 7; Page No. 404) by Muslims and was even much more loved by his Sahabah, yet no pavilion was set up for the people to offer or receive condolences for his death. Had gathering for condolences been permissible, they would have done it. Similarly, Abu Bakr, `Umar, `Uthman, `Aly, the Mothers of the Believers, i.e. The wives of the Messenger (peace be upon him) and all his Sahabah died. Yet it is well-known that no one established pavilions for receiving or offering condolences for their death, and people did not gather for this purpose. This proves that gathering for condolences and serving food to those who are attending is a rejected, baseless Bid`ah in religion. Rather, it should be denied and the person who helps in establishing it is sinful.When the later generations innovated gathering for this purpose and serving food to the people attending to offer condolences, the venerable Companion Jarir ibn `Abdullah Al-Bajaly said: "We, i.e. The Sahabah, used to count gathering at the bereaved family's house and serving food after burial among the (forbidden acts of) wailing. (Related by Imam Ahmad through a Hasan [good] Isnad [chain of narrators]). However, serving food to the family of the deceased by their neighbors or relatives is a Sunnah (action following the teachings of the Prophet), based on what was narrated by Abu Dawud on the authority of `Abdullah ibn Ja`far who said: "When the news of the death of Ja`far (may Allah be pleased with him) came upon his death, Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: Prepare food for the family of Ja`far for there came upon them an incident which has engaged them. (Related by Imam Ahmad, Al-Tirmidhy and Ibn Majah, and it was ranked as a Hadith Hasan [good Hadith] by Al-Tirmidhy). Food should be served to the bereaved family at their house but not for those gathering in the pavilions or tents, since the purpose behind this is that the bereaved family is too busy with their sorrow to prepare food for themselves. Thus, they should be served with food. (Part No. 7; Page No. 405) May Allah grant us success. May Allah's peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions.