Protection against sadness and the obligation of obeying one's husband
What can protect me from regret
when I see that all my friends have graduated? I want to let you know that everyone around me, such as my father, mother, siblings, and my husband left the matter for me to decide; they were afraid that I would blame them for the consequences, as I used to suffer from a psychological illness that made my nature changeable. I am afraid that the day will come when I can no longer bear my marital life and will run away.As for my husband, what are the Islamic obligations for me regarding the way I treat him and my home? What is Halal (permissible) and Haram (prohibited) regarding the rights of spouses? Things have become very confusing as people have permitted some matters and prohibited others without knowledge. My siblings have some knowledge of the Din (religion) and are religious, but I am embarrassed to ask them about this, and I (Part No. 3; Page No. 532) cannot forget about this matter of my studies. I hope that you can help me find an answer that will protect me from making a mistake and sinning. May Allah reward you with the best, if He so wills. I would like you to send me some books on the Islamic treatment of psychological illnesses, about Islamic family life, how to contribute to and participate in an Islamic society, and how I can keep performing Salah (Prayer), Sawm (Fasting) regularly and protecting myself at all times from anything that might harm me. I should mention here that I am a decent woman and have some knowledge of the Din - praise be to Allah. I hope you can help me and may Allah grant you all that is good.
It is obligatory if a Muslim chooses something which they think is good, but the matter turns out not to be as they expected, that they should not despair and feel sorry about the past. Instead, they should praise Allah for what happened to them and refer all matters to Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He), Who arranges them with wisdom and benefits are known only to Him. Sometimes, He shows them and sometimes He conceals them as a test. Allah (Exalted be He) says:
...but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirûn (the patient).
Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allâh we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."
They are those on whom are the Salawât (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones.
It is legislated that you should live with your husband and treat him well, (Part No. 3; Page No. 533) and do for him what other wives do for their husbands. Allah (Exalted be He) says:
And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) according to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.
You should co-operate with him in what is good and Taqwa (fear/wariness of offending Allah), as much as you can. If it is easy for you, you should read the biographies of some of the female Sahabah (Companions of the Prophet) and see what they did for their husbands; this will benefit you greatly.
You have to adhere to the Book of Allah (Glorified be He) and the Sunnah (whatever is reported from the Prophet). You should have a permanently close connection with the Book of Allah (Glorified be He), reciting it, contemplating it, understanding it, and living according to it, because it contains security and safety. Allah (Exalted be He) says:
Then if there comes to you guidance from Me, then whoever follows My Guidance he shall neither go astray, nor shall be distressed.
"But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’ân nor acts on its teachings.) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection."
He will say: "O my Lord! Why have you raised me up blind, while I had sight (before)."
(Allâh) will say: "Like this: Our Ayât (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) came unto you, but you disregarded them (i.e. you left them, did not think deeply in them, and you turned away from them), and so this Day, you will be neglected (in the Hell-fire, away from Allâh’s Mercy)."
And thus do We requite him who transgresses beyond bounds [i.e. commits the great sins and disobeys his Lord (Allâh) and believes not in His Messengers, and His revealed Books, like this Qur’an], and believes not in the Ayât (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of his Lord; and the torment of the Hereafter is far more severe and more lasting.
Allah (Exalted be He) also says:
Verily, this Qur’ân guides to that which is most just and right
(This is) a Book (the Qur’ân) which We have sent down to you, full of blessings, that they may ponder over its Verses, and that men of understanding may remember.
As your father, mother, husband, and siblings left the matter (of your studies) to you, we advise you to entrust this to Allah and ask Him to help you, give you success, and (Part No. 3; Page No. 534) to open your heart to what is most beloved to Him. Then act according to what your heart is open to, such as whether to study or not.
We advise you, after paying attention to the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of the His Messenger (peace be upon him), to read the following books: "Kashf Talbis Iblis" by
Ibn Al-Jawzy, "Husn Al-'Uswah fy Ahkam Al-Niswah" by
Siddiq ibn Hasan, "Nida' ila Al-Jins Al-Latif" by
Muhammad Rashid Rida, "Al-Jawab Al-Kafy liman Sa'ala `an Al-Dawa' Al-Shafy" by
Ibn Al-Qayyim, and other books like these, as they will be of great benefit, especially for you.May Allah grant us success. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions.