Q: When I urinate or defecate, and after purifying that place of Najasah (ritual impurity) , I always doubt - May Allah honor you - that Najasah still exists. This makes me spend about fifteen minutes washing the place of Najasah. Also, when I come to offer Wudu' (ablution), I suffer from doubts in my (intention), that is the intention of Wudu', I keep thinking that my intention is null, and consequently, so is my Wudu'. I always doubt whether or not I have established the intention, which causes me to have a headache, tremble and sometimes lose my balance and fall. The same thing happens as I perform Ghusl (ritual bath following major ritual impurity), I am attacked by doubts regarding my intention of Ghusl, thus I keep resisting the doubts for a long time (Thirty minutes) till I finally perform the Ghusl. Also, when I come to start the prayer and before reciting Takbirat-ul-Ihram (saying: Allahu Akbar [Allah is the Greatest] upon starting Prayer), when we get to establish the intention (of prayer), I keep doubting if I have established it or not, which leads me to repeat the intention by heart and out loud until my head aches. All this has affected my health, as it has started to get worse (Part No. 7; Page No. 162) due to the excessiveness of doubts and thinking of my miserable future. Consequently, I got inflicted with illusions, to the extent that sometimes, I imagine that the door is open though I have closed it, even after I have seen it closed, in addition to trembling every time I hear the Adhan (call to Prayer), as well as having a phobia from Wudu' and Salah for the headache that inflicts me at this time, when I have doubts in them.As doubt reached the utmost degree, I became incapable of offering either Wudu' or Salah as
every time I come to perform Wudu’ or Salah, I become doubtful,
as I said, till I fall unconscious. Based on this, I abandoned Wudu' and Salah for a period that exceeded three months, during which I could not offer Salah, for every time I got to think of it, I used to feel that I am chained. But praise be to Allah's Grace, I was able to return to Salah for one months period. Rather, no sooner, I was inflicted with the mentioned above things again, but in a more vigorous way this time. If I get to overcome these doubts in a day, I fail to do this on the next day, and I tend to leave Salah once more. Thus, I wait until I have six missing prayers, then I start offering the due one and the prayers that follow it (on this day). But, I do not make up for the missing ones as I offer them with the congregation, so that on missing a prayer, I can not make up for it, due to the mentioned above reasons, this is why I do not miss the congregation, for it is the only way by which I become able to offer prayer and suffer from little doubts. However, on being alone, I never have the ability to pray, and if I manage to do this, I keep fighting these doubts for about fifteen minutes while reciting the intention subvocally and out loud. To sum up, I became worried (Part No. 7; Page No. 163) about my prayers, frightened that Allah would punish me if I abandon them, although I really wish that Allah would be pleased with me, as I wish to abide by the rules of Islam in all my affairs. I also wish to be of Allah's righteous Servants, but you can not always get what you want. Still, I have high hopes that Allah will be merciful with me, and I wish to die as a Muslim, and be bestowed by Allah's acceptance. I ask your Eminence to guide me to the right path and the best remedy for my obsessions according to the Madh-hab of Imam Malik, but if this is not available, then any Madh-hab will be convenient. Awaiting your reply on tenterhooks, As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you).
What you mentioned of having doubts and suspicions that inflict you when removing Najasah, offering Wudu' and Salah are all of the offensive insinuations, and you should seek refuge in Allah (Exalted and Glorified be He) from the accursed Satan and supplicate to Allah a lot to recover you from such insinuations. You should also make sure of eliminating Najasah and offering Wudu' perfectly, and you should remain sure and to have Yaqin (certainty) without considering such Satanic whispers that befall your heart. We supplicate to Allah to grant you and us good health and soundness.May Allah grant us success. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad his family, and Companions!